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The Finest Donuts...

First I would like to apologize. We here at the Finer Things Club have neglected to inform most of you that there is a little slice of heaven known as the Fractured Prune. I blame Katie Toe, but that is besides the point. This is one of the most amazing donut shoppes in all the land and the benefits are two fold for those of you who are meat eaters. You can get some beer and awesome flavored chicken wings right next door at Glory Days Bar and Grill, then head on over to the Prune. Anyway, I just want to hip you all to this fabulous establishment and encourage you all to head on over to Pan Am Shopping Center. It is located in Fairfax off of Nutley Road. Click here for all the details...

The Finer Office Christmas Party.

So we had the annual office Christmas party last week, and it was a memorable one at that. Around 6:00 PM I am standing in the hallway between the kitchen and the living room having a rather interesting conversation about LARPing. Nick throws on some NWA. Shots of Crown Royal are being doled out and the keg has been freshly tapped. All of the sudden the front door bursts open. A loud scream echoed down the hall as I swiftly turn around. Someone in a black ski mask has burst through the front door and grabbed one of my female office mates.
I hear from the dining room “Oh shit! He’s got a gun!”
“BOOM,” I shouted!
I then hear a faint “bla-dow” from Mark, who has pissed himself in the corner. His wife just rolls her eyes.
The intruder stands at the entrance to the living room with a loaded Glock 17 to the temple of the fearful woman. She immediately begins to perspire. His arm is wrapped around her neck tightly, and she is softly whimpering. Michelle smokes a cigarette inside.
With his finger quivering over the trigger of the 9mm firearm he exclaims, “EVERYONE GET ON THE FLOOR OR I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL HER!”
You can literally hear everyone at the party gasp in fright as they start to comply.
Just then he throws the woman to the ground and lifts off his mask. “Just kidding, Merry Christmas everyone!”
It’s just Ben, everyone continues to drink. Rachel let’s the dog downstairs and does a keg stand on the balcony after achieving a BAC of 0.23. She fell that day after Michelle pushed her over the edge for letting the dog out. Still, everyone continued to drink. Ah, good times.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from the Finer Things Club!

The Finest Thing

Two spells you might need to learn before the first FTC Larping (Live Action Role Playing) outing.

There's Lightning Bolt:



and Magic Missle:



I remember the first time I found out that Magic Missle was not magic at all but merely a lit roman candle and some rudimentary hand motions. I laughed hystarically.

December 14, 2060: I'm 80 Years Old, I Still Work at MARI, and I'm Training the New TZ-118 BioSent Android

"Ok, so what you'll do is you'll press this button here to upload recently recieved documents to our server. After that, they'll be transported to your hard drive via trilight technology, and your hardware will process the information. Unless, of course, the source is Florida. They send us documents via the U.S. Postal Service which, as far as I'm aware, exists for no other purpose. So anyway, those you can just feed into the scanning device on your multi-purpose abdominal shelf, and boom - that should be it. Of course, if you determine that any of them are not relevant to your work, you can dump them in the shred bin over by the memorial to the victims of the 2032 pocket collapse. Does that make sense?"

"Affirmative"

"Ok, so a quick rundown of rules. Let's see, you can charge yourself 15 minutes per day, anything beyond that is your own responsibility. Once a week, we will have a group charge in the conference room/rebel-human-torture-chamber. For security reasons we shut down our teleportation station during business hours, so if you need to take off early or run some errands just make sure you request to use it, otherwise you may be disintegrated on contact. Your work is being closely monitored, and once you sign this consent form I can explain what it means to be "Witmered." I think that's enough for now. Does that cover it or do you have a question?"

"Affirmative."

"Affirmative that covers it, or affirmative you have a question?"

"Affirmative I have a question."

"Ok, be my guest. I'd be happy to answer."

"Who is the 90 year old cougar?"

The Only Known Picture Of a BOOM In Action

This is the only known picture of a boom in action. It was taken mid-boom. Unfortunately, everybody within a 3 mile radius was killed immediately after it was taken.

Also, here is a sample of ACTUAL MARI REACTIONS to this picture:

Person 1: That's hilarious!
Person 2: Haha, that's so funny!
Person 3: Who is that??
Person 4: Who is that??
Person 5: Wow, who is that??
Person 6: Outrageous! Who is that?
Person 7: Who is that??
Nick: Oh hey, it's Doug Henning!

What Is A Cougar?

Now that I've watched this video with sound, let me say this: whoever made it is the greatest genius of our time.