Two Words: McRib

As this blog, like the FTC itself, is dedicated to the finer things in life, I believe it is the perfect forum for me to relate the highlight of my weekend.

That's right, I had a McRib. In fact, I had two. For those of you who don't know what a McRib is you aren't as ignorant as you might think. That is because nobody knows what a McRib is. It is a meat product (widely rumored to be pork) that is pressed into a rib shape, slathered in tangy BBQ sauce, and topped with pickles and onions. In other words it is absolutely delicious.

Now, it had been years since I'd had a McRib, and I have to admit I was skeptical. I wasn't sure if it would still be as good. It was, I assure you. I actually bought four so I could bring one home to each of my brothers. As my older brother put it between bites of the spongey-delicious meat, "welcome home, McRib!"

Now if you are not a close watcher of fast food ("bakery" to the Brits) news, you might be wondering why there is anything remarkable about eating a McDonald's item. I can hear you asking "can't you buy that anywhere?" NO! You can't. That's the crazy thing. You see, we are currently in the midst of McRib comeback tour III (McDonald's refuses to keep the item as a permanent menu feature, instead resorting to this gimmicky "it's going away but not before you say goodbye" thing, which seems to return every fall. That's right, they've taken this fantastic sandwich and turned it into the Cher of the fast food world.) and much like comeback tours I and II, McDonalds has determined that Northern Virginia is too upscale, too refined, for a product made of unidentifiable meat pressed into a somewhat identifiable shape. The joke is really on McDonalds because it would be one thing if it wasn't available in, say, Great Falls, but they stupidly extend their unofficial McRib ban to all parts of NoVA, including Manassas. That's right, I couldn't even find one in Manassas. Manassas has a Captain D's people. Manassas has a Roy Rogers, and I went there earlier this year to discover they are not equipped to accept credit cards. That is disturbing, but not as disturbing as the fact that I thought that the Roy Rogers chain ceased to exist in the mid 90's and am growing increasingly suspicious that this one has been operating off the grid for the past decade. The possibilities are frightening...

But I'm rambling. The point is I shouldn't have to go to Richmond for a McRib (important detail I forgot - I bought my McRib just north of Richmond on a pit stop returning home from North Carolina). Just bring it back, McDonald's. Do it for my children, who may otherwise be forced to eat disgusting, unprocessed meat.


Let me close this post by predicting a future conversation with someone whose anonymity I will protect by calling her "O" (hint: not Oprah).

O: (laughter)
Me: What?
O: I saw that you wrote about the Mc...(laughing)...RIB!
Me: Yeah, so?
O: You really, love food. You really, really love food.
Me: Well, it was delicious.
O: Where can I get one?
Me: I don't know.
O: Do you think I can get one around here?
Me: I don't think so.
O: But I really want one.
Me: Sorry.
O: Do you know where to get one?
Me: No.
O: Are you going to get one?
Me: I don't know where to get one.
O: If you go looking for one will you tell me?
Me: Sure.
O: I really want a McRib.
Me: I'm sorry, Oyin.
O: I am consumed by desire to consume a McRib.
Me: I'm sorry.
O: That's ok (leaves).